When I received an invitation to write as a guest contributor for Sun Gate Foundation’s blog, I inquired about a specific theme or topic as the focus. Since December is often associated with giving, I was encouraged to write about the greatest gift,. I was also informed that because the foundation’s mission is to provide empowerment through assistance for higher learning, many previous blog posts revolved around education. I was given an opportunity to choose freely, though, and my choice was easy. I chose love.
I don’t mean any ordinary kind of love. The greatest gift we can ever give or receive is unconditional love, with people where they are, regardless of circumstances. It means loving enough to let some people into your life, and also enough to let go. It’s not rushing to rescue someone when they could be empowered to overcome their own challenges. It’s not shutting off when someone is out of sight, and it’s not turning one’s back when we say, “I’m sorry, there’s not much I can do.” There is always something we can do. We can love.
It costs nothing to give love and the action is priceless. It can make all the difference in the world, even though the person you’re loving may not realize that yet. Give them time. Unconditional love is patient. It is justice that our world of suffering deserves. Everyone says knowledge is power, yet power is meaningless unless it is applied. When applied with unconditional love, it breaks chains and tears down walls. That is what opens hearts and minds to possibilities instead of remaining closed by limitations. It is what lights the candle of hope within us when all else is dark.
This perfect gift in an imperfect world doesn’t require converting to any religion, even though many of us think of Jesus when we think of unconditional love. If it required anything at all, it would not be unconditional. You can’t give it because you’re instructed to, or because you’ll suffer if you don’t. We can all start by loving ourselves unconditionally, and forgiving ourselves.
When I work with anyone who is struggling through life because of trauma and negative self-perceptions, I ask them to stand before a mirror with their hand on their heart, and say out loud with clarity, “I am a good person.” That’s a start. I often follow up with having them say, “I am worthy of love.” If the first affirmation doesn’t stir tears, the second certainly will. We forget these truths in the course of our lives, and it’s easy to slip into patterns that take us further away. I know this because I’ve lived it. Fourteen years of sexual abuse, being sexually trafficked as a minor, and two years of commercial sexual exploitation as a young adult left me hollow and forced me to repeat cycles of coping behaviors that held me back. No matter how good my life was, or how much I improved as a person, I fought against my truths.
When we can do this and truly feel it down to our bones, then it becomes possible to give the gift of unconditional love to others. It’s a gift for all seasons, not just December. Give it to yourself and everyone around you, as often as possible.
Written by David Wayne
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